Bookie Confessions #1

I don't like sharing.

There I've said it. I've admitted this true fact about myself.  I really thought I did. I thought I loved it when my friends read books that I loved, and I do, but part of me doesn't want my buddies to always fall in love with the same characters that I do. How could their love possibly match or surpass mine? Perhaps I was okay with sharing my love with one or two other people. By other people, it is possible I too somehow, inventively wretch their hands from my one true love. I'm just still trying to work out how to share. This sharing thing, I'm going to blame on my brother. We fought tooth and nail as kids. Obviously we weren't very good at sharing and this has transferred to adulthood. As I've been in adulthood for a couple of decades now, you would have thought I had grown up. Nope, never, ever.

Sorry Bro. 

When your love explodes into popularity due to television, suddenly you have to share your love with thousands and it doesn't sit easy with me. It can also happen with TV shows that you adore and not many of your friends follow. Stephen Amell anyone? Scratch that name from your memory now!!! You hear me!

Very, mildly spoilery if you have never read A Song of Ice and Fire or, you know, live under a rock.




So those who know me probably know who I'm referencing. Yeah, you all know I've had it bad for Jaime Lannister for a long time. I'm one of those old followers of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. You know those people. When they started reading the series they were young, unmarried, no grey hair, no kids, no mortgage. You get the image. Idealistic, the world was our oyster. I know, I do way too many puns. I can't help myself. 

It seems like a world way from the position that in the time I've read the series, I got the mortgage, got married, had kids, saw the grey hair start to sprout and the odd wrinkle or two....

So, there used to be a time in my small world where Jaime Lannister was mine. That's right, argue with me if you want. Quarrel that you are a bigger fan or that you've known him as long as I.  I might feel you are slightly delusional, but don't let that stop you. I'm all ears. Convince me that I need to share him with you. I'll try not to say "talk to the hand." Promise. Until the TV show Game of Thrones, I could count on one hand the people who had read the series. In order : my BFF The Doctor, my baby, baby bro and my dear friend, Wench Zee. That's it. The sum total of people I had to share my obsession with. Three is quite an intimate number and you know, I can share with three others. Just. 

Suddenly, BAM, the TV show happened and every person, it seems, is reading the series. Oh, I love that you do. I love that you now understand what the hell, I've been talking about for years. But, that little secret traitorous part of my heart isn't dancing a jig or shouting with glee. It even might be muttering, but you don't understand him like I do. Oops, I said that out loud didn't I. *Senses rotten food, probably tomatoes, being thrown at me* *Swerves* Was that an airborne glob heading my way? Look, part of me might be sorry I ever mentioned the amazement to be found in a character if you just made sure you got through A Storm of Swords.

This maybe how I feel when you say you love Jaime more than I.

There's that secret part of me that thought, you can have your Jericho Barrons, your Ethan Sullivan, your Bones, or your Jamie Fraser. I've got Jaime Lannister and I ain't sharing him with anyone. What do you mean you love him? You can't love him as much as I. I refuse to even contemplate such a circumstance. The depth of your love is only a few years or less, how can it possibly compare? Take a quick evaluation. It might be lust over love. What, you are still disputing with me? Don't make me come over there. Drat, you're on the other side of the earth.

I promise, I don't think I react like this. 

You know me,  I might be one of your friends. You listened my declarations of love for years. Gave me that indulgent smile and head nod that said I'm pretending to know what you are talking about. Really you wondered what planet I was on and why I was getting worked up over a book character. Book characters aren't real. Yes, they are to me. Well, you've learnt your lesson now, haven't you. I knew Jamie Lannister would seep into your book boyfriend list. I curse the day, I ever mentioned him to you.

Drives me crazy every time I see this gif. It's the hair.

Sure, I'm happy for George R.R. Martin that his series has done so well. Sold millions of books and propelled the series into the top 100 book lists, for a couple of years now. Kudos to him, as he has written a brilliant fantasy series.  It's wonderful to see other people who may not read fantasy embrace the series. You can have Jon Snow, no argument from me. You can have Tyrion Lannister. They are all yours, my friends. Take them. I'm shoving them at you. Hey, no need to elbow me, I'm not fighting you for them. You wanted Robb Stark. Ah, sorry he's dead. Oh, you don't mind ghosts. Okay. Backs away slowly. Who knows, even my love, may end up dead. I wouldn't put it past Martin. It can't be said, he doesn't know how to kill a character. If he does, I might be wearing black for a while. It goes wonderfully with my pale skin. I'm not intending to mourn though. Fingers crossed he is still standing at the end of the adventure. If not, it's been a wild ride over many years.

You guessed it. I wish this was me.

So. I might be a little bit obsessed. Just a teeny bit. I may guard Jaime fiercely. A good thing I've been practicing my sword arm. I need to be worthy after all. I can't think of anyone more worthy or deserving as I. Yes, I'm picturing a fairy tale ending and I know, you think I'm crazy, as Martin isn't writing some fairy tale. Leave me to my bliss. I have another decade or so to enjoy my fantasy. And, yes, I'll keep gritting my teeth every time you tell me how much you love Jaime Lannister. The muttering under my breath isn't a sign of madness. I think.

So come on. Tell me. Is there a book boyfriend you don't really want to share with the masses? 

All images from tumblr.com