Confessions of a Spoiler Whore

I've never given much thought to this, but even as I type I realize I've been a spoiler whore since the very first book I picked up to read by myself. And from that moment it would all be the same, should we talk books, TV shows or movies. I guess I've always been intrigued to know what lies ahead of me. I'd love to get some spoilers about my life. Too bad Goodreads or Wikipedia aren't good for that too.


Spoiler Whore one-oh-one. Origins.

I remember reading Bambi as an innocent child. And even then, my inner spoiler whore tended to get the best of me. Since I was very little and my books at the time were porn free or not too-hair-pulling, I would need spoilers only when it became too hard to breathe. Then his mother got shot and it ripped my heart into tiny pieces. 
The next thing I knew, I opened to the last page to see if that soul-wrenching story got better or the damn book would meet the Dumpster.

The child grew up, the books became more serious, but they were still school-program books. Of course, my inner spoiler whore grew more aggressive as well. I wouldn't feel the compulsion to spoil myself just to tame my anguish anymore. I'd get the damn book that needed to be read from the library, get a glass of some liquid (tea, apple juice, mineral water), settle my ass in a comfortable chair/sofa or directly onto my stomach on the floor and... open the book to the last page.

Now that done, I would close the book and open it again as if nothing had ever happened. Chapter 1. And that little gesture would make my read so much easier. Sometimes.

From Bambi to The Ultimate Spoiler Whore.

Like any important project, I've started up with small things, like reading the ending after the mother-deer got shot, then reading the last page of every book just as a before-starting-a-book routine. 

I already told you that the Sookie Stackhouse Novels series had been the real "gateway". Gateway to darker and smuttier books and above all, to a bunch of people whom I came to love even with there being literal oceans and mountains separating us. Also, the SSN had been my first Ultimate Spoiler Whore job and I didn't even notice it. 

I'd watched the show blah, blah, blah, decided to read the books. At the time there had been ten books on the market. I'd watched the three seasons of TrueBlood. I knew what the  fourth was about. It seemed pointless- my inner spoiler whore already at work- to read the first four books since I knew from the show what happened/should happen there. To read from book #5 to #9 seemed weird. So I went for Dead In The Family (SSN #10). Only after that, have I taken Dead Until Dark and so on.

Next stop, Fever by Karen Marie Moning. This time around I didn't spoil myself. And not that I didn't want to. Believe me, I did! There was no time for that. I read them in a span of 6 days. I didn't stop to cook, eat, drink, or take showers too much during that period, let alone beg or search for spoilers. But if you don't want me to do what I know best, you shouldn't send me emails containing "Deleted scene" files. And you definitely should not ever tell me "Read the deleted scene last."  I'd read that file when I'd been almost halfway through Darkfever.

Recently I decided to read Chicagoland Vampires. Everyone was getting all "DO NOT SPOIL YOURSELF for this one Olga, the journey is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! " This one was Zee the Terrible, but everyone said something along the lines. Yeah, I did exactly what I was told. *snort* Once the series is on my Kindle, the next thing I do is go on a reconnaissance mission to Wikipedia. Find out who is who, who dies, when exactly the two main characters have sex, who's the bitch of the book and so on. You couldn't find a happier camper after I had all those things settled.


Five reasons to become a spoiler whore.


Oh, c'mon! Relax, it's for your own good.

  1. The book beginnings are usually so boring, that reading a Wikipedia summary of the book you're currently reading might propel you to that spot where you're looking forward to certain scenes.
  2. If you know it, it can't kill you. When you know the Big Bad beforehand it can't force you down to your knees and rip your beating heart from your chest when you're unaware.                                       
  3. You can come twice during the same nooky. This one actually has the advantage of  reason #1, too. Two at the price of one. You know about the sex scene (when there is one involved), maybe you've even read it, then you read it again when the time is right and the sensations are so much more powerful. Like getting a second chance to your first time.
  4. Root for the right guy from the start. There are seldom one guy+one chick in the books I read. Usually it's two guys. Sometimes more. How would you know to count the breaths of the right one from the beginning and pay attention to his every move if there were two or three of them?
  5. At the end you can always scream "I knew it!". Spoilers= you get to know the villain of the book beforehand, you learn to narrow your eyes at them since the beginning and you watch closely her/his every step. First wrong pass and you've got them.


Tips for a successful spoiler whore. Should you choose to turn into one.

  • Read Wikipedia summaries of your books. There's enough information to satiate your curiosity, but not too much to ruin the entire book. You'll forget half of it when you start reading anyway.
  • The Goodreads reviews are helpful too. But do not waste your time with just any review. I hate the ones that start off with "Without giving too much away...". Why write it if you are so stingy! The ones with "Spoilers below" on the other hand... That's the review you're looking for!
  • The middle of the book is a goldmine. Some important information lies always there. If this is a smut book, or one that should include a little snuggling, the good stuff is "hidden" there. Between  45% and 55% or so of the book.
  • The last book out of a series. You're reading the first book of a series and something went wrong? Your heart is beating faster and all of a sudden it's hard to breathe? Grab the last book. Take a look at the surroundings, a name here and there and that should make you feel better.
  • The deleted scenes or other characters' POV. If there are any they are a sight for sore eyes. Everyone will tell you "Read them last". Uh- huh. Riiiight. Don't listen to them.
  • Ask your friends. If you're real desperate, then you should ask them. They are not always helpful when it comes to spoiling you. If most of them are spoiler prudes, they'll give you hell just for thinking about it. You have to nod trying very hard not to roll your eyes at them and say "Okay, okay!". Maybe you're lucky and will find a few who think of themselves as spoiler whores, but even those will ask you a million times if you're sure you really want to know.


Tell us about you? Are you a Spoiler Whore or a Spoiler Prude?

* All the gifs are from https://www.tumblr.com/

Comments

  1. LOL Olga! Thanks for the mention :p

    Fun post though!! LOVE the gifs and pics!

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    1. Some advice stick to me wherever I go. Yours is one of them :D
      Thank you, Zee <3

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  2. Fun post! I am definitely a spoiler whore.

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  3. I got the heebie jeebies just reading this, Olga! I can't imagine spoiling myself like that. It's too much like the time I found my Santa gifts early and then had no surprises to enjoy on Christmas morning.

    You actually skipped all those SVM books? I admit to checking out the sex scenes occasionally (the infamous chapter 32, for example), but I don't want to spoil anything major. The reread is where I pay attention to the right people if I didn't do it the first time through.

    That said, I do like enough of a hint that I'm prepared when something awful happens, and I definitely need to know it will all turn out okay. It might kill be to get to the end of a book like Twice Bitten with NO warning and NO ONE to say it was worth the effort to keep reading.

    And once in a while I break down. I had to google the outcome for Khal Drogo when I was watching Game of Thrones, but then I wished I'd waited one more week. About 50 pages into Dragonfly in Amber, I had to visit Amazon and read the cover blurbs for later Outlander books to make sure Claire and Jamie actually showed up in them. (Book 2 has an odd structure, and my curiosity ran out of patience.) So I guess I just try to walk a thin line where I'm emotionally prepared but not actually spoiled, and I'm unhappy if I go too far off that.

    Your "begging and eye rolling" with the Wenches is very entertaining, so please don't stop!!!

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    1. You made me laugh, Kathi! LOL I can imagine your face while reading this.

      "You actually skipped all those SVM books?" Oh, yes I did. DITF was the first SSN I read. *grin* I had to feed my hunger for Eric, I knew there was not much of him in the early books. I wanted the facts. The newest facts. How else could I have borne all that Billshit in the first book?

      Only once I've been sorry for spoiling myself. It was for Nalini Singh's Guild Hunter series. At the end of the first book the female character becomes "something" huge and I would've never thought of it, but I opened the third book and it was there. I actually gasped. Then went back to the first book and I was so mad for doing that. But it didn't last long. I'm a spoiler whore. The ultimate, incorrigible type :)

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    2. Lol Kathi! That's exactly it! The heebi jeebies! I couldn't put how I felt into words lol :p

      I am definitely a spoiler prude unless A) I'm not enjoying the series or B) It's badly written.

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  4. Admitted Spoiler Prude and proud of it. :)

    Now that I know your Bambi experience, it all makes so much more sense now. Poor little Olga.

    Reason to be a Spoiler Whore #5, to be able to scream "I knew it!" at the end, this is exactly why I like to be a Spoiler Prude. It might not happen very often, but I'm so proud of myself when I figure things out on my own and it turns out that I was right all along.

    I think the only time I would have liked to have been spoiled was in the Fever series; you know--that one bit. I should have known better but I was fooled, and it was excruciating, and the whole thing went on for far too long.

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    1. "Now that I know your Bambi experience..."- LMAO. Really. Thanks for understanding me. :D

      And I don't always yell "I knew it" at the end because I've read spoilers. There are times when it's impossible to spoil myself, or at least very difficult, and I can't know everything and it's killing me, gnawing at me the entire book. Sometimes I yell that I knew something even when it was gut feeling, not spoilers.

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  5. LMAO Olga,very entertaining post.love the gifs.
    Bambi,a heart wrenching story ,I cried so much!
    No,I could not spoil myself this way,I like too much the element of surprise,but once I went straight to the last page,read it and tried to guess the story from that last page.No I couldn't,it just made me read faster so I would be able to figure out the last page.

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    1. Thank you, Naomi *sheepish smile*
      It's so much fun how most of you are spoiler prudes. "No,I could not spoil myself this way" LOL.
      I understand your point though.
      But I swear I still get surprised. I swear it. Sometimes it's because I forget half of the spoilers, sometimes because there aren't enough to ruin the book experience, and sometimes because some events just take me by surprise.
      And I still have books which I've read without spoiling myself. A few. *blushes* But still.

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  6. You said opening of books are boring,how about this? "It was so cold out, he thought his cock might break off in his hand—¬if he could find it. The thought passed through his sleep-¬mazed mind like one of the small, icy drafts that darted through the loft, making him open his eyes". ??

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    1. Like the characters in the series I'm currently reading say, JESUS H. CHRIST, Naomi! What book is that? *mouth hanging open*
      And not ALL the books' beginnings are that, um, should we say boring. This one is one hell of an example. *still gaping*

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    2. ^ One hell of an example of that kind of book. *licks lips*

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    3. Perfect example, Merit!!! Love me some Jamie Fraser. Makes me immediately want to warm him up....

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  7. Ok, so I'm not a spoiler whore per say....I'm more of a flirt. It depends on a book for me. Sometimes I can't read fast enough and I just have to know so I look for a spoiler. But I only spoil myself for that specific information. I never gor for the ending of a book/series. If I did that I'd loose interest in the book/series completely. So, there you go, I just go for the tidbits that keep me sane. LOL

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    1. Hi, valedarcy. So you're not a prude, but a flirt :) That sounds nice. It's not the same for all of the books I read, either. Depends on the book/series I'm reading. Sometimes it's gnawing at me the not knowing, sometimes a book is so interesting that I don't want to waste time on spoiler research :)

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    2. Flirt is a great way to describe it! I can totally relate to that.

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    3. LOL...I think most of us are flirts. But I'm deffinately not a prude :D :D.

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  8. Olga brilliant post. You had me laughing so much I was crying. Shut up because you are a genius. For me it depends on the book. Sometimes spoiler whore and sometimes spoiler prude. Spoiler whore mainly if the book isn't that captivating and I want it to be over. Also with some shows. Okay True Blood. I spoilt myself rotten. Thank goodness that obsession is over. I try to lean more towards spoiler prude now, as much as I can as I like it if I don't know what is going to happen. No wonder you were traumatised after reading Bambi Olga.

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    1. Thank you and shut up yourself, Angela!

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  9. OMG I love your post!!! SO hilarious! I find that I used to be a spoiler flirt, and I am now leaning more towards a spoiler prude. My reasons are explained perfectly within your reasons:

    "If you know it, it can't kill you. When you know the Big Bad beforehand it can't force you down to your knees and rip your beating heart from your chest when you're unaware." See, I like to be ripped apart! If a book makes me cry, I think it's a pretty good book. If I'm sobbing & worn out from crying, then it's a damn good book.

    "You can come twice during the same nooky." I like the nooky better the first time, when I don't know what's going to happen. Sadly, my spoiler flirt ways will have me skimming a book just to get to that point, many times at 3 A.M.

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    1. Aww, thank you, Amanda! Shut up you too. *sheepish smile*

      And if you're such a spoiler flirt-leaning-towards-prude, stop readinh Abi's Ty&Zane #7 teases!

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  10. LOL! Wonderful post, Olga! You have a talent for humourous writing! :D

    I like to think that I'm a spoiler prude and I think for the most part I defnitely am. I run away from potential spoilers usually like they're killer rats or something.

    But there definitely cases where I'm a spoiler flirt myself and some special cases where I'm an outright spoiler whore too (coughTy&Zanecough).

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    1. Thank you, Lisa! Shut up, you make me blush!

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