Confessions of a Spoiler Whore

I've never given much thought to this, but even as I type I realize I've been a spoiler whore since the very first book I picked up to read by myself. And from that moment it would all be the same, should we talk books, TV shows or movies. I guess I've always been intrigued to know what lies ahead of me. I'd love to get some spoilers about my life. Too bad Goodreads or Wikipedia aren't good for that too.

Spoiler Whore one-oh-one. Origins.

I remember reading Bambi as an innocent child. And even then, my inner spoiler whore tended to get the best of me. Since I was very little and my books at the time were porn free or not too-hair-pulling, I would need spoilers only when it became too hard to breathe. Then his mother got shot and it ripped my heart into tiny pieces. 

The next thing I knew, I opened to the last page to see if that soul-wrenching story got better or the damn book would meet the Dumpster.

The child grew up, the books became more serious, but they were still school-program books. Of course, my inner spoiler whore grew more aggressive as well. I wouldn't feel the compulsion to spoil myself just to tame my anguish anymore. I'd get the damn book that needed to be read from the library, get a glass of some liquid (tea, apple juice, mineral water), settle my ass in a comfortable chair/sofa or directly onto my stomach on the floor and... open the book to the last page.

Now that done, I would close the book and open it again as if nothing had ever happened. Chapter 1. And that little gesture would make my read so much easier. Sometimes.

From Bambi to The Ultimate Spoiler Whore.

Like any important project, I've started up with small things, like reading the ending after the mother-deer got shot, then reading the last page of every book just as a before-starting-a-book routine. 

I already told you that the Sookie Stackhouse Novels series had been the real "gateway". Gateway to darker and smuttier books and above all, to a bunch of people whom I came to love even with there being literal oceans and mountains separating us. Also, the SSN had been my first Ultimate Spoiler Whore job and I didn't even notice it. 

I'd watched the show blah, blah, blah, decided to read the books. At the time there had been ten books on the market. I'd watched the three seasons of TrueBlood. I knew what the  fourth was about. It seemed pointless- my inner spoiler whore already at work- to read the first four books since I knew from the show what happened/should happen there. To read from book #5 to #9 seemed weird. So I went for Dead In The Family (SSN #10). Only after that, have I taken Dead Until Dark and so on.

Next stop, Fever by Karen Marie Moning. This time around I didn't spoil myself. And not that I didn't want to. Believe me, I did! There was no time for that. I read them in a span of 6 days. I didn't stop to cook, eat, drink, or take showers too much during that period, let alone beg or search for spoilers. But if you don't want me to do what I know best, you shouldn't send me emails containing "Deleted scene" files. And you definitely should not ever tell me "Read the deleted scene last."  I'd read that file when I'd been almost halfway through Darkfever.

Recently I decided to read Chicagoland Vampires. Everyone was getting all "DO NOT SPOIL YOURSELF for this one Olga, the journey is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! " This one was Zee the Terrible, but everyone said something along the lines. Yeah, I did exactly what I was told. *snort* Once the series is on my Kindle, the next thing I do is go on a reconnaissance mission to Wikipedia. Find out who is who, who dies, when exactly the two main characters have sex, who's the bitch of the book and so on. You couldn't find a happier camper after I had all those things settled.

Five reasons to become a spoiler whore.

Oh, c'mon! Relax, it's for your own good.

1. The book beginnings are usually so boring, that reading a Wikipedia summary of the book you're currently reading might propel you to that spot where you're looking forward to certain scenes.
2. If you know it, it can't kill you. When you know the Big Bad beforehand it can't force you down to your knees and rip your beating heart from your chest when you're unaware.                                       
3. You can come twice during the same nooky. This one actually has the advantage of  reason #1, too. Two at the price of one. You know about the sex scene (when there is one involved), maybe you've even read it, then you read it again when the time is right and the sensations are so much more powerful. Like getting a second chance to your first time.
4. Root for the right guy from the start. There are seldom one guy+one chick in the books I read. Usually it's two guys. Sometimes more. How would you know to count the breaths of the right one from the beginning and pay attention to his every move if there were two or three of them?
5. At the end you can always scream "I knew it!". Spoilers= you get to know the villain of the book beforehand, you learn to narrow your eyes at them since the beginning and you watch closely her/his every step. First wrong pass and you've got them.

Tips for a successful spoiler whore. Should you choose to turn into one.

• Read Wikipedia summaries of your books. There's enough information to satiate your curiosity, but not too much to ruin the entire book. You'll forget half of it when you start reading anyway.
• The Goodreads reviews are helpful too. But do not waste your time with just any review. I hate the ones that start off with "Without giving too much away...". Why write it if you are so stingy! The ones with "Spoilers below" on the other hand... That's the review you're looking for!
• The middle of the book is a goldmine. Some important information lies always there. If this is a smut book, or one that should include a little snuggling, the good stuff is "hidden" there. Between  45% and 55% or so of the book.
• The last book out of a series. You're reading the first book of a series and something went wrong? Your heart is beating faster and all of a sudden it's hard to breathe? Grab the last book. Take a look at the surroundings, a name here and there and that should make you feel better.
• The deleted scenes or other characters' POV. If there are any they are a sight for sore eyes. Everyone will tell you "Read them last". Uh- huh. Riiiight. Don't listen to them.

• Ask your friends. If you're real desperate, then you should ask them. They are not always helpful when it comes to spoiling you. If most of them are spoiler prudes, they'll give you hell just for thinking about it. You have to nod trying very hard not to roll your eyes at them and say "Okay, okay!". Maybe you're lucky and will find a few who think of themselves as spoiler whores, but even those will ask you a million times if you're sure you really want to know.

Tell us about you? Are you a Spoiler Whore or a Spoiler Prude?

* All the gifs are from https://www.tumblr.com/