MFK: Once Upon A Time Edition

It's time for another round of Marry, Fuck and Kill, Once Upon a Time style. Season 3 is over and as such I challenged the Wenches to see who they would love to run away with in wedded bliss and who they want to off in a gruesome fashion. Maybe by guillotine, maybe by a dagger to the heart. The choices of course were varied, although a certain dashing pirate seems to feature on the lists. Is it that wicked glint in his eye, his hook or his charm? Barb and Anne, I thought we had this sorted. Time share remember!!!! We have to share. They keep staring at me evilly now. Look, those daggers in my back aren't going to make me change my mind. What? I'm now having to share him with Merit, Zee, Diane and Care as well. I think a Captain Hook commune is looking like a definite possibility. I hope none of you get seasick.

Mild spoilers after the jump.


I am going to cheat. I can't help myself! I try to (almost) always follow the rules, but I just can't this time. 

There is just something about Killian's hook.

Marry and Fuck: are Killian "Hook" Jones. I love him. He is a life-ruining, devilishly handsome, dashing, sexy-as-sin captain, and I, quite simply, cannot get enough. There is no one else for either category. Except maybe Emma, because I adore her as well. 

Kill: is a tough one, because, as with all good fairy tales, the bad guys are dealt with in the end. But I'm going to go with Cora. So much pain could have been spared so many people if not for Cora's selfish ways. She got off easy.


Ok. Here we go -

Marry: Hook. Obviously. There's really no other choice. 
Fuck: Robin Hood. Since Graham is dead, he's really the only other option for me. Plus, his accent is really hot. 

Gulp. Okay we'll take a chance with you.

Kill: This is going to be extremely controversial.....Henry. Now, I'm not some kind of sadistic child-killer. Henry is the glue that is holding these people together. What would happen if he was no longer in the picture? Killing one of the villains like Regina or Rumple or Zelena is too easy.


Marry: Hook! I want him. Not just for a casual romp. Sigh, he is all kinds of sexy.

Fuck: Can it be someone no longer with us? Because it's Graham. I miss him. And he was insanely hot. My very close second choice would be the Mad Hatter.. because Sebastian Stan is IRRESISTIBLE and a little crazy.. Imagine how amazing the sex would be? 

Kill: Hmmm... not a fan of either Snow or Charming. But would it be fair to kill off either one?

OMG that eyebrow. What is it that makes this so sexy???


Marry: Regina, she is so complicated, I love a challenge! 

Merit, I think you will have your hands full.

Fuck: can't decide between Sheriff Graham and Captain Hook, so I have to say both, love me some Irish guys. 

Kill: Snow White. Sorry, I can't stand her. ( can't stand Prince Charming either.) 


I'm almost the entire last season behind at this point, because television viewing in Mooselandia sucks if you're not willing to pay an arm and a leg for it. However, I still have my own MFK list, though it might be a little out of date. 
The *EASY* K. I would totally kill Pan. In a heartbeat. After what he did to Rumple, after what he did to Henry... Gone. Without a second thought. Easy peasy. 
M/F are significantly harder, though I knew exactly which characters would fill these spots, I couldn't tell who would be where. I mean... Wow. The titles will go to Hook and Rumple, though it took some doing to suss out who went where. Marry. I wanted someone who was exciting. Intelligent, could keep me on my toes, and would be happy to do it - it's not a chore keeping up with me and my crazy rabbit-trails, or penchant for out-of-left-field connections. That was what made it so hard to choose. Both Rumpelstiltskin and Hook offer those to me. But... what makes them different - primarily? Security. Rumple is the picture of security - never having to worry about another bill, really anything, ever again. But... Would I be willing to trade the years of adventure, and seeing the other side of the hill, trying to catch the horizon, and intense loyalty that Hook has to offer for the security that Rumple offers? It took me a solid week to think this through. Yes, I debated a fictional MFK for A WEEK. In the end, it broke down simply: 

Marry: Hook. Bring me that horizon, all the adventure you can take, and stay with me even when I'm being a little odd. 
Fuck: Rumple. Extensively. *Before* aforementioned marriage, let's not add MORE drama to the mix. 

Kill: Pan. Anyone who could try to kill Their Own Son... Nope. Riding the nope train right out of Fuckthatshitsville on that one.


Marry: This is a no brainer, HOOK. Sigh, he's all kind of awesome and of course dashingly handsome. 

Fuck: The ones who came to my mind were Graham and Robin Hood and since Graham is sadly no longer here, I'll go with the mighty fine Hood. Rawr. 

Kill: This is a bit of a toughie. The first one who came to mind is the Wicked Witch Zelena, because she's been driving me crazy this whole season But occasionally I sympathize with her. I'll admit that I'm getting a bit bored with Snow White and Prince Charming... enough already... but I wouldn't go so far as to kill them or do that to Emma. My votes go to either Peter Pan or Cora, preferably both.

Such a great villain.

Diane (or lovely Wench friend)

Marry: Charming, however if Neill was still alive I would marry him.

Wink at Diane anytime Neill.

Fuck: Hook. The back up fuck would have to be Robin Hood.

Kill: hmmmmm right now that would be Rumple.


Marry - Hook. Sail me away over the seven seas and through other realms. I'll wield a sword beside and ensure our enemies are turned to dust. Honestly who else can rock a pirate's jacket like Killian. No one can. I mean, come on, in the modern day he wears the same clothes he always wears. Hot, sexy and delicious in one raised eyebrow.

Fuck: Robin Hood, I think I love you. Hood, Hook of course I need to make space for them. Is it that British accent, is it that charm.  I don't know, but when he speaks it sends shivers down my spine. So let's get down and dirty Hood. All I'm asking for is one night of passion.

Kill: Prince Charming. I've just never clicked with him.  I want to love him desperately, but something always holds me back. I just wish given his name, he had more charisma.

Sorry Charming. I kind of want you to turn evil.


Hook, so much love to spread around. You are going to be one busy man. While our choices are very similar there are a few differences. Bravo Merit for taking on Regina. You are going to have your hands full. I know you love a challenge. Also Care, Rumple? Good luck with that. I'm sure you've got some secret magic tricks in store for him. As you can tell the Kill section was very hard for us to decide on. We just love a good villain and when they are played well, we just want to see more of them.

So get your claws or lay your heart on the line and let me know who you would Marry, Fuck and Kill from Once Upon a Time.

All images are from 


You Might Want to Read...

A Tribute to The Fiery Cross

When The Music's Over

Dani Mega O'Malley: Superstar

So Many Questions: The Fever Edition

Black Dagger Brotherhood: Scenes That Left us Begging for More