Fangirl Fridays – Kilts!

As the Starz Network’s Outlander TV series finally begins, I’d like to indulge in a wee bit of whimsical speculation about the origins of The Kilt. Because whether you’re already an Outlander fan or soon will be, you’re going to be admiring a lot of kilts over the next few weeks ... among other things!

The history of Scotland is complicated. Battles over territories, independence, control, and pride tore Scotland up repeatedly. No wonder the Scots availed themselves of every chance to have fun and enjoy life until the next time they must pick up their arms, kiss the wifey good bye, and march into battle, shouting “Je suis prest!”, “Tùlach Àrd” (the war cry of the Clan MacKenzie), “Unite!”, or “Put the fire on! I’ll be needin’ Whisky an’ parritch when I’m back!”.

The problem is, yeah, the land was beautiful, and of course there were plentiful resources, but seriously? It was Scotland. The men needed something to take their minds off their battles and help them face the lonely lasses at home. This is the shortest version of why Whisky was invented—by men: liquid courage to face the harsh winters, bloody battles, and gloomy wives who waited at home, complaining that they never took out the garbage, thought only about battles, and were always covered with mud (sometimes straw—and forgot to wipe their feet before rushing in from their adventures!).

I will get to the Kilt factor, I will, after the jump...

Whisky was invented for men. It IS manly, this holding the glass, moving abstractedly a finger around the rim while staring at the nearest wench with a meaningful smolder. Who could ever resist it? Not us. But this is a man’s fantasy, basically. We women had to do something about that. Men go forth into battles, men hold their Whisky while making it difficult for us to think straight, we need OUR fun as well!

The common belief is that the modern kilt was invented by Thomas Rawlinson (an Englishman, and a Quaker no less). But even this is debatable, because others claim that an Englishman could not possibly have invented it; the kilt is a Highlander’s invention, no doubt. Only stubborn Scots could keep on arguing until today about who thought of their country’s traditional garment first.

I agree that the kilt is a Scottish invention. Not only do I agree, but I support the idea that only a Highland woman could have invented this bared-legged perfection.

Why, you ask? Well, no one can argue the fact that the Scottish Highlands are windy. I think the wind and the harsh life style, combined with a wee dram or two of the Whisky that was meant originally for men, inspired some clever lassie to invent something that we wenches can all still benefit from after all these years.

The Eureka Moment

Starz Network’s Outlander TV series

Just imagine it: Scottish women, sitting around the hearth during long, dark winter days, mending and patching clothes for their fearless guys, when the idea came into their heads:

“We can’t let our men have all the fun; we need some excitement as well,” said Wench A.

“I am sick and tired of mending his clothes over and over again!” complained Wench B.

“I wish there were at least something easier to mend,” squeaked Wench C.

The other two looked at her, dumbfounded. “What’d I say?” she asked them, perplexed.

“We need OUR kind of fun and easier work,” said Wench A, conspiratorially. “They have Whisky and battles; we get to scrub blood stains in the icy cold river and mend for the 1000th time their silly breeches”.

“Then he gets home, tells me he has a cockstand because of the battle, rips off his clothes—and there goes all my lovely stitchwork, which I need to mend yet again the next day!” complained Wench B.

The others looked at her, nodding their heads in agreement, then shaking them in disapproval.

“Aye well, I do not mind the after-battle effects, you know,” said Wench A, with a mischievous wink.

The others nodded enthusiastically. Someone coughed. Moments passed while the three contemplated that thought, smiling to themselves. Wench C looked at her sisters suddenly, with a twinkle in her eyes.

“I know what we need!” she said, “Skirts! They should wear short skirts!” The others laughed.

“Come on, woman!” said Wench A. “Get a grip, my Douglas willna agree to wear a skirt.”

“Aye, but he might if we give it another name,” Wench B smiled wickedly. “We can call it kilt, which simply means cloth; why would they care?”

“They are drunk half the time anyway,” Wench C agreed wholeheartedly.

“We can even go further than that,” said Wench C, giving the others a meaningful look while waggling her eyebrows. “We can tell them that it will be manliest to wear it commando,” she said. “You know how they like to brag about their bravery. We will tell them that the one who wears his kilt with a bare bottom is the bravest of all, come wind or come gale.”

The rest is history. Kilted Scots warm our imagination and stimulate our minds—and maybe some other parts as well—while roaming fields, roads, and streets wearing nothing but a skirt, actually, to cover the wonders that only the wind can show us. No end to the fun!

Go ahead and ask Outlander’s Claire. She will tell you all about the peace of mind a wench gets while riding a horse with a red-headed, kilted hunk straddling the saddle behind her, commando.

It does not end there, of course. The spark of curiosity that history and books have inspired in our fantasies, in colorful vivacity, we can now satisfy while watching TV, movies, and YouTube videos. No need for imagination, thanks to modern technology. The guys and their sculpted legs are nearer than ever, even if we do not live in Scotland.

Starz Network’s Outlander TV series

A Few Kilted Movies/TV Series

Title	Year	Remarks
Outlander	2014-	Jamie: Please do NOT wear trews, even after Culloden! Fight the expectation, man, we are counting on you!
Monarch of the Glen	2000-2005	What can top a young, hot, kilted laird? More guys who look great in kilts!
Mrs. Brown	1997	Men look sexy in kilts, whatever they do; let them read the phone directory while kilted, add some wind every now and then, and we ARE happy wenches.
Rob Roy	1995	Liam Neeson is a man of many talents.
Highlander	1986	Sean Connery!!!! Okay, Christopher Lambert, too.

So dear Wenches and friends, I hope you had some fun here. And finally, one last kilted eye candy for ye all.